Don't regret something that once made you smile

Okay hello. It’s Emmy obviously. I really don’t know how to start this. I don’t even know how to say any of this. I made a post before saying how I was gonna leave. It wasn’t supposed to be this soon, but I guess this is how it’s gonna happen. As soon as I finish this post, I’m logging off this account forever. Alex, stratfordswaggin, is going to take my blog. If you don’t know who he is, he’s one of my best friends and he’s amazing I promise. If you have any questions about me or wanna say something to me, you can message him or me on my personal. I’m gonna go on there every once in a while, but definitely not everyday.In my first post I explained why I’m leaving. Yes, I’m trying to focus on my grades so I can get into college a year or two early. Yes, I recently got a job that requires me to travel. Those are both part of it. But I’m leaving tonight, so I’m gonna be honest. I’m sad. Really sad. I have so much going on right now, and I couldn’t feel more alone. I feel completely alone. And that’s my fault, because I push people away. But it was so hard to come on here and fake a smile everyday. When I first became an anon, I felt comfortable expressing my feelings. I could let you guys know if I was having a bad day, or if something was going on at home. But then the anon world changed and if I opened up, I was an attention seeker. So here I am, months later, completely closed up. And that’s really not okay. I was considering telling you my whole story, but I don’t want pity. So I’m just gonna tell you what’s going on right now. You can stop reading now if you want. I went from having a lot, a big house, a big family, amazing grades, a good life. Or so I thought. I was too naive at the time to realize that everything was falling apart for me. My dad ended up cheating on my mom with multiple women. He moved out, and became a deadbeat. We couldn’t afford our house anymore and now we live in a rental house in a really bad part of town and we’re seconds from getting kicked out and getting moved into a shelter. We moved into a different area so I went to a new school, and I was too depressed to do anything so I almost failed out of my grade. As for the family part of it all, it disappeared. A lot of people died on my mom’s side that year, and my dad’s side of the family wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I still don’t know why. Like I said, I’m incredibly closed up so I don’t really wanna talk about this so much. But you guys do deserve an explanation. Both my father and brother are abusive. I’m leaving sooner than planned because my brother freaked out and hurt my mom. Him and my other brother are no longer living with us because of that. I decided to take responsibility for myself, so I’m going to rehab. I have a lot of problems that I need to deal with. And trust me I love helping you all, you guys became one of my main priorities this last year. If I hadn’t made my tumblr, I wouldn’t be alive right now. It’s where I met my best friends and my support system to this day. I wanna thank my followers for getting me through things they didn’t even know I was going through. I’ve grown a lot as a person and I’m stronger now, but I guess life wants to make me a little bit stronger. I hope you guys don’t think I’m selfish, but it scares me how close to the edge I am. I need to focus on myself and get better, I hope you guys can understand that. That’s why I’m leaving.

And that’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say on here.

I guess I should say my goodbyes now? I met some really amazing people. I want to individually thank all of you, but there’s more than 2k so I think that would take a while. I’m gonna thank my main group of friends.

Noah- Asdldsjlfdsf. You’re my everything. I met you my first day on tumblr and we’ve been through a lot together holy shit. But you’re still here and I can’t thank you enough for that. I don’t know what I would do without you. You have me smiling all day and you’ve gotten me in trouble in class because I start laughing at all the stupid things we do and say adsjladsl. I would make this pages but you’re still gonna be my best friend and we’re still gonna talk. You’re my other half. Without you I’m like nothing. I love you so much, never forget that okay?

Dylan- My big brother. :) And my son. And my mother. And my babycakes. I don’t know where I even start with you. I’ve known you for almost 4 months now, but you probably know me better than anyone else. You’re always there to listen to me when I need it, even when I’m just bitching. You’re there. And no one else really does that for me. So thank you, so much. You came into my life at the perfect time and if you didn’t I know for a fact I wouldn’t be here today. You changed me for the better, and you saved my life. I love you, it’s you and me forever kiddo.

Taylor- BBY. I love you so much I can’t even sdlfs. We’ve known each other for a while. Our friendship started with a skank and it’s not gonna end with one. My god the memories asdlkasdlf. You’re always there for me too. And you give really good advice, which helps a lot. I didn’t think I would ever say this but even when you tell Derek to yell at me it helps. Because I know you care, and that makes me so happy. You’re a really beautiful girl on the inside and out, there should be more people like you. Seriously. You’re perfect.

Derek- Hi poopface. You’re one of my best friends and you’ve gotten me through so much. I can’t thank you enough for that. You’re the person I text at 2 in the morning if I need someone. And you’re always there, even if you’re a LITTLE grumpy at first. I’ve known you for a long time and I know you get frustrated with how closed up I am but it means a lot to me how you always try and you’re still there even if I’m being a twat. You lecture me like every two seconds. But they really do help, I wouldn’t be going into rehab if it wasn’t for you. You’re the one who talks sense into me and you’re not afraid to tell me if I’m being stupid. I love you so much okay, it’s crazy. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, I do.

Alex- Boo thang hi :) You mean so much to me, honestly. If I’m crying and I need someone you’re the guy I would call. When we talk on the phone it’s for hours, and I never want it to end. Even if we’re both bitching or sad or whatever it is. When we hang up I always feel better because I know I can tell you anything. I remember when you told me that you never wanted me to go through anything alone. That’s when I realized that I could tell you anything. I felt really close with you that day and it hasn’t gone away. You’re my bb, forever. I love you. :)

Lena- You’re my sister. I would shoot a bitch for you, you know that. When we talk it’s always in caps too. Have you noticed that? I have omg. We’re great. #Lemmy? Idk man. I just love you so much, and you’re family to me. Forever. I love you endlessly, you’re perfect. Remember that. AND OUR PHONE CALLS WILL CONTINUE. Getting drunk together hell yes. :)

Bri- You are my nigga bitch. You keep it real with me and I love that. You tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. I need someone who will do that for me. Our conversations our great too, never boring. You’re hilarious and I’m gonna call you now that my tumblrs gone. I ACTUALLY WILL THIS TIME. I love you, you mean loads to me.

Dalton- You’re still one of my best friends okay. Even if we don’t talk as much, I’m always here for you and I love you just as much. You’re always there for me too, and you’ve proved that to me countless times. You’re the guy who watches stupid scary movies with me and you laugh WHILE I SIT THERE BAWLING. You’re an amazing guy, and you should never feel any less than that. Please never forget how much I love you. You smile, I smile right?

Maddy- Sigh I don’t know what happened between us. We were best friends and we always had each others backs. It’s sad to think that I have to say “were” instead of “are.” Really, it sucks for me. I’m putting you in this because we’ve been through a lot together and for a long time you got me through a lot. You were always there, and I don’t think I thanked you enough for that. You’re beautiful on the inside and out, remember that. I love you, and I still really care about you.

Followers- Thank you for sticking with me for so long. You guys are my reason for smiling and you’re the reason I’m a much stronger person now. I know I’ve saved lives before and you’ve also saved mine. So I don’t regret this experience, not one bit. Please just remember that you’re all so beautiful, and perfect in my eyes. Don’t stop smiling. You can conquer anything.

I guess this is it. This is hard for me, so don’t think otherwise. I love you all so much, thank you for being my rock. Y’all kept me strong when I thought I would snap. Emmy loves you all, forever. Farewell. :)